Hugs are Priceless!
Most of us learned how to be a parent from our parents. No matter how much we appreciate and value our parents, yet, there are always new things that we can do to help prepare our children to be successful adults. In a comprehensive research study conducted right here in Oklahoma, Dr. Roy Oman and his team found parental communication and supervision help your child build important skills; and it is never too early to start.
I hear you!
We all have a lot going on! Getting dinner on the table, doing laundry, going to work, and paying all the bills; you could probably add more items to this list. Yet, our children often need us most when life is at its busiest or when it has just been a bad day. Miracles happen if you can STOP, take a DEEP BREATH, SMILE, stoop down to eye level and LOOK into your child’s eyes, give him/her your full attention, and LISTEN closely without judgment. Feelings of anger, disappointment, and frustration can disappear when we feel heard. It is true for children and adults.
I have the time!
Make time every week for a one-on-one activity. This special time can be as simple as going for a walk, playing with a toy together, or reading a book. During this special time, it is easier to begin a conversation by sharing rather than asking a question. Sometimes people feel put on the spot when asked a question.
Avoid saying “I am right, your wrong”!
There are a thousand ways to disagree. Positive ways to disagree include “I know you disagree, but this is what I think”. This statement is a win/win. One, it makes it clear that it is okay to disagree. Two, you have clearly stated your own opinion and expectations.
No Lectures Required!
Try just talking to your child; avoid lecturing, criticizing, threatening, or name calling. It is okay to set consequences for the "BEHAVIOR" while keeping the communication channels open about differences in OPINIONS.
You have to know!
Know where and with whom your children are when not at school and away from home. Research shows the value of monitoring in protecting your children. On this same note, your children’s friends have a big influence on their behavior. You can help your child foster positive relationships by inviting children to your home who have good habits and attitudes or enrolling your child in after-school programs.
Research shows many benefits of having good communication with your child, knowing where your children are and with whom they are with after school, and your child having friends with good habits. A few include:
- Less likely to use alcohol
- Less likely to use drugs
- Less likely to become sexually active
- Less likely to smoke
- More satisfaction with life
- Feel responsible for making own living
Hugs and Happy Valentines Day!
The ONIE Project Team!
American Psychological Association. (2014). Communication Tips for Parents. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/communication-parents.aspx.
Crosby, R. A., DiClemente, R. J., Wingood, G. M., Harrington, K., Davies, S., Hook Iii, E. W., & Oh, M. K. (2002). Low Parental Monitoring Predicts Subsequent Pregnancy Among African-American Adolescent Females. Journal of Pediatric and Adolescent Gynecology, 15(1), 43-46.
Oman, R. F., Vesely, S. K., Aspy, C. B., & Tolma, E. L. (2015). Prospective Associations Among Assets and Successful Transition to Early Adulthood. American Journal of Public Health, 105(1), e51-e56.